Different Side @ The Self Center Clinic

The Self Center Clinic is a newly refurbished psychotherapy clinic located at 5 Main Road, Tallaght. The clinic has comfortable rooms which are large enough to accommodate social distancing while still allowing for face to face therapy to take place. Hand sanitiser dispensers are available throughout the building and my rooms are sanitised between clients to provide an extra measure of protection during the pandemic. 

In my practice at The Self Center Clinic, I accept clients over 16 years of age* presenting with a wide variety of difficulties. I offer counselling and psychotherapy from €50 per session**. Sessions typically last for 50 minutes and are held on a weekly basis.

I offer one to one counselling and psychotherapy for a range of issues including anxiety, depression, stress, panic attacks, difficulties relating to sexuality and sexual identity, trauma and abuse.

If you want to make an appointment for counselling or psychotherapy, you can contact me on 

087 0993901 or by emailing differentsidetherapy@gmail.com

Click here to find out more about the other services offered by The Self Center Clinic

To learn more about my practice in Drumcondra click here

*Counselling and Psychotherapy for under 16's is available subject to additional terms and conditions.

** Low cost/affordable counselling and psychotherapy can be arranged by contacting The Self Center Clinic. Cancellation fees are 50% of the session fee (sessions cancelled with less than 24 hours notice will be charged at the full rate)

Sex in the Therapy Room

Sex in the Therapy Room

One of the most challenging experiences that occurs in the course of therapy is when the topic of sexuality comes into the room. Exploring the topic is a sensitive matter that can challenge the most experienced therapists, even more challenging is when a client presents with an alternative or divergent mode of sexual expression. In many cases, these clients have spent years hiding the nature of their sexuality from co-workers, family and even friends. Many therapists even now flinch at the idea of treating a client who’s sexuality does not conform to the image of what the therapist considers to be ‘normal’. Part of this can be attributed to societal conditioning and the fact that sex, for many people, is still something of a taboo, however it must also be noted that up until relatively recently, in main stream psychology, any deviation from the ‘normal’ sexual aim was considered to be a paraphilia or in other words a perversion.

Perversion is a word that carries serious connotations, which of course are counter productive in many cases. It is a word that has been carried on from before Victorian times, before psychotherapy was even conceived of. Freud (SE7) made reference to the many different sexual appetites that form part of the normal spectrum of behaviour stating that he believed that some measure of perversion was present in all normal development, in other words Freud believed that everyone is into something. His understanding of the difference between a perverse act and a perverse structure is key to the work of psychotherapy when it comes to talking about sex. This is a difference that all therapists need to come to understand, and it revolves around one key principle, the desire of the Other. A sexual act that appears perverse to the understanding of one person can be part of a healthy sexual life between two consenting adults.

In the sense that the normal sexual aim can be supplemented by a divergent interest there should come as no surprise that certain sexual acts will be deemed more acceptable than others. In many cases, these things fall short of what should be considered pathological in a client. As Freud (SE7) suggested it is only when the normal sexual aim is supplanted that we should be concerned about the pathological nature of a sexual act. For example, there are many cases where people will have an unusual interest in feet, which to many may seem weird or disgusting, however as long as that interest does not become the entire aim of sexuality then we can reasonably judge that it is within the non-pathological realm and thus while potentially interesting from an academic perspective it is largely irrelevant to clinical work. Where this ceases to be the case is where such an interest begins to either impede the normal sexual aim or the interest becomes disturbing to its object. In terms of true pathological perversions as Stoller (1975) suggests, it is unlikely that the masochist will choose the sadist as an object, as the sadist cannot permit the masochist their enjoyment of the perverse act. The true perversion is the disavowal of the desire of the Other, it is the desire to deny the other its jouissance. As the joke says when the masochist asks the sadist to hurt them he replies “No”.

Problems of sexual difference often present themselves in therapy, sometimes the client may come to therapy as they feel that there is something wrong with them or they have experienced rejection by family, friends, or prospective partners on the grounds of their preferences and attractions. In some cases the client can even become afraid of certain fantasies as they conflict with what they think they should want by way of a sexual encounter. This fear can lead to a repression of the fantasy and even a level of sexual dysfunction as they struggle to find satisfaction in their sexual lives.

Endings

In my work, I place a lot of value on the ending of the relationship. The final session of therapy can become one of the most important and also one of the least common of all experiences for therapist and client alike. Many clients simply stop showing up, or cancel enough sessions in a row that therapists are forced to discharge them, others blow up and reject the therapist in a final attempt to overthrow the desire of the Other. All these endings are in some way acrimonious, leaving unfinished business between the therapist and the client mimicking the relationship patterns that exist for many people outside of the therapeutic space.

The final session of therapy is an opportunity for the client to experience something that is rare in life, a positive end to a relationship. It is hard to imagine ending a relationship simply because it has ended and leaving with no ill feeling between two people. Even in cases where someone has emigrated, in the modern world it is not an end to the relationship but a change of its primary format, you are still friends, just in different countries. The end of therapy however is an ending like no other, in the same way that the relationship of therapy is a relationship like no other.

During my training, I had the opportunity to work in a place called JIFACA where we saw children and adolescents on a voluntary basis. It was during this time, that the clinical director pointed out that the ending of the relationship in therapy is of vital importance, especially with younger clients. It may be the first, if not only, time that they get to experience a positive ending to any relationship. All previous endings are likely to be either acrimonious or forced by outside agents. The ending of therapy is theirs, and theirs alone, they must choose the time and manner of the ending and it can be a powerful experience.

The same is true of adults, the opportunity to choose a conscious ending can be terrifying as they imagine that the therapist will be angry or disappointed like the figures internalised in their unconscious minds. I think that in the process of therapy, as well as providing care for the client as they work through their difficulties, the therapist also has to attempt to ensure that the client has the opportunity to experience that good ending. We are, as I was once told, ending from the beginning...