Endings

In my work, I place a lot of value on the ending of the relationship. The final session of therapy can become one of the most important and also one of the least common of all experiences for therapist and client alike. Many clients simply stop showing up, or cancel enough sessions in a row that therapists are forced to discharge them, others blow up and reject the therapist in a final attempt to overthrow the desire of the Other. All these endings are in some way acrimonious, leaving unfinished business between the therapist and the client mimicking the relationship patterns that exist for many people outside of the therapeutic space.

The final session of therapy is an opportunity for the client to experience something that is rare in life, a positive end to a relationship. It is hard to imagine ending a relationship simply because it has ended and leaving with no ill feeling between two people. Even in cases where someone has emigrated, in the modern world it is not an end to the relationship but a change of its primary format, you are still friends, just in different countries. The end of therapy however is an ending like no other, in the same way that the relationship of therapy is a relationship like no other.

During my training, I had the opportunity to work in a place called JIFACA where we saw children and adolescents on a voluntary basis. It was during this time, that the clinical director pointed out that the ending of the relationship in therapy is of vital importance, especially with younger clients. It may be the first, if not only, time that they get to experience a positive ending to any relationship. All previous endings are likely to be either acrimonious or forced by outside agents. The ending of therapy is theirs, and theirs alone, they must choose the time and manner of the ending and it can be a powerful experience.

The same is true of adults, the opportunity to choose a conscious ending can be terrifying as they imagine that the therapist will be angry or disappointed like the figures internalised in their unconscious minds. I think that in the process of therapy, as well as providing care for the client as they work through their difficulties, the therapist also has to attempt to ensure that the client has the opportunity to experience that good ending. We are, as I was once told, ending from the beginning...